No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
