My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
