why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
