I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the day after is always just damage control
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
