She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love you.
Bad choice
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