So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
