I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
