i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
