there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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