For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
