If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?