end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.