He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.