it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
