Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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