I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
