i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
