While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
