and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
