I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
