is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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