Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
