you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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