god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This baby is an asshole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
