Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
