You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
