I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
