I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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