well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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