he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
