I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
