His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
