True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
