is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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