I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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