I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
