I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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