I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
