did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
