do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
