Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
