I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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