the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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