we're chasing vodka with high fives
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
