does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
