only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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