Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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