is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
