i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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