Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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