Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
