I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
