I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
