Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
