He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
