I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
