I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
