god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize