drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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