he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
