oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
