Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
