Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
