Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
