Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
