I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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