Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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