Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

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(410): View more from Maryland

She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

(404): View more from Georgia

Things like this can't be explained over text man

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(903): View more from Texas

Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat

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(240): View more from Maryland

So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"

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