I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
