um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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