Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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