Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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