I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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