Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
