i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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