I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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