I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
