Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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