The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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