Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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